…dying…

well, i’ve been under a 3-day rehab/house arrest whatever..

and now, i’m feeling so much better..

damn.. i can’t imagine life without my friends..

even if none of them really said anything that would make me

feel better except for “naa lang mi dri always bai.”,

just seeing them blabber on and on and on

about how life sucks, or about how great life is,

they somehow take away a lot of hurt.

amazing..

gotta’ go.. =D

busy, busy, busy life ahead. =D

haha.. it’s over and done..

its so easy to just toss it all away.. for him that is..

as if i never gave anything up just so’z we could be together..

as if he didn’t give up anything up just so’z we’d end up together..

to my tropas, i’m A-OKAY! =D

everything’s gonna be alright as long as i’ve got a few more stones to throw.

haha.. i’m givin’ up on all our memories and hopes..

none of it will ever return to normal again..

people are fighting around me again.. and it sucks…

they fight, yet they have more than what i don’t right now…

it’s sad.. they keep on fighting, yet i know they can’t

easily let go on this something they have right now..

anyway, he has the heart to toss all this away..

as easily as throwing out garbage..

even though we tried our best to get what we USED to have..

easy.. easy.. easy..

it’s all this easy…

let me go as easily as you can Mister..

and maybe we can at least share some peace..

even though damage has already been done,

and even though damage is resting on my side right now..

its been annoyingly great nowadays..

seems like the sun’s shining while its raining..

he hes been with me for more than a month now,

and i’ve been living days of devastation and bliss..

he confuses me, while i make his head hurt..

we can’t really go out together- like to the places that i usually

go to.. well, like i said, its like sunshine and rain..

gossip here gossip there..

they talk about us.. about me.

it’s maddening and shockingly amazing..

my name’s alive again.. it lives in their tongues.

it seems they just can’t stop talking.

well, so far, what “we” share is one of the hottest topics in our crowd..

i  thought everyone already got tired of gossiping..

i was wrong.. it’s one of the human’s most fave thing to do.

haha..

this is originally my MArch o8, o7 post.. because

 i like it soooo much, i’m posting it again! =D

*****

*you never fail to hurt me…

again and again, we stumble upon eachother

like always, at the wrong place, at the wrong time…

we fall into a slumber of nothingness,

and we awaken to the sound of goodbye…

it’s as if its a routine we have to do,

right after your friends sing to us

the melody that brings us together again…

and well, it’s getting old…

but time after time,

when the world rejects our last drop of sanity,

we both fall back into eachothers arms…

’cause we both know,

when there’s no one left to understand you and me..,

there’s always a little piece of heaven

between us…

that’s why i never get tired of holding you

when everyone’s gone…*

***

***

-thank you for understanding…

*well.., thank you… for being honest and all…

-i still remember it all clearly…

*i’d give my life away just to forget some of it…

specially the heartaches…

***

***

*you’ll be back again when the smoke’ll clear..

when the air would be fresh once more…

and maybe, time will let us keep this

insanity we share…*

*****

i’m searching for faces iv’e never held.. but its the old one.. this certain face i see before i go to sleep, this certain face i look for when i’m feeling insecure.. this certain face i’ve held for months, lost for months, and loved agian for months.. a shadow that i always wish light would shine on.. a melody i try to forget.. i refuse to be someone else only so i could touch this certain face once more.. yet i know the chances this time around are slim.. and i’m ready to accept our fate.. but where will i end up? i’ve asked myself that for more than a year now.. love has come and gone in my side of the fence, and maybe yours as well.. but it’s you.. and i don’t know where this road im taking on right now will lead me but i’m ready to bid you goodbye anytime.. because i wish to smile.. i smile with you, that’s true.. but when will you be still..? and when will we be in peace and safe in the cradles of our hearts? you always wish to leave and i always wish to take you back in when the world rejects your smile.. you drive me insane.. so insane that it makes me complete.. and i can’t see myself normal again.. for i have forgotten what normal is.. i have forgotten who i have become.. but you made me remember who i was.. i question myself night after night.. i ask myself why you and me just click. snap.  into perfection, and i dive into a much deeper question.. and i wake up so unlonely.. as if you dreamed with me.. i am too much for anyone to take.. but you always take me in and accept me hands down. no questions. no regrets. and maybe it’s that part of you i adore most.. or maybe.. or maybe.. or maybe.. i can never run out of reasons why i adore you.. i’m typing non sense.. and it feels so right.. you made me discover that part of my being.. haha.. im weird in other people’s eyes but to you, why am i so goddamn perfect..? hmm.. things i wish to ask and things i wish to say go on forever.. and i could only type so much.. and you can only read so much.. 

i’ll be straining ur eyes again next time.. =D

many have decided to leave me lifeless.. locked in the back of their minds.. along with their first word, first sight, and first dream.. and i can’t blame them.. why would i..? when i was the one who turned away.. they drived me nuts anyway.. in strange, stupid, funny, and pathetic ways.. i could say i’m not as perfect as the sky, nor as damaged as the ozone layer.. but i’m not a (insert defect here) like you.. so i’m guessin’ thats a good thing.. but i am one of the few who remembers.. i wish to forget but i never can.. i often wonder what it’s like to be someone who’d squeeze everything out of someone just to satisfy theirselves.. but, to my dismay, i don’t have the guts to do so.. i’m not saying i’m clean, for i am as dirty as you are, and maybe even as dirty as you’ll ever be.. and i won’t be clean. and i’m not claiming i’m clean.. i’m filthy. =D haha.. so tell me, reader, do you wish to remember the times when you were filthy and smiling, or are you one of the weak ones who wish to keep it locked up..? tell me your fairytales of fairytales, and i will tell you mine..

the sun’s shining..

it doesn’t feel right..

well, the *nornal ber month days are back..

its sposed to be cold.. n well,

i’ts getting colder n colder..

speaking of ber months,

it’s the time of the year when he decides to come back home..

i wonder if he’ll come back this time, or next year’s march..?

hm.. hehe.. be telling yah the details the next time i log in..

if there are *details* hahaha..

adios. =D

—-

ghosts.. we’re hiding from them… we’re trying to block them off

our thoughts… yet they show up and scare the fucking shit out of us..

unexpectedly… ghosts… the ones we used to love more than anything..

the catch is, they’re not dead yet…

we do certain things to keep our minds off ghosts..

but they still linger.. weird..

for me, those damn ghosts helped me improve and love myself..

so i guess that’s a good thing.. c=

but still, it would be nice if they would stay away..

don’t you think..? but some people loves to keep ghosts very close..

just like one of my friends.. she loves her ghost so much..

it would break her heart if he would walk too far away from her..

this ain’t goin’ nowhere..hahaha…

ai ambot.. ghosts..

stupid,stupid ghosts.. c=

—-

crap.. boring… i miss my

friends… =c i miss kuya clark..

nigel… lola.. damn…

u know y ur being backstabbed by ur f*ckng friends?

its cz ur a fugly slut.

u dnt pay ur debts.

u leave ur motherf*cking friends hanging.

u keep on running away.

u worthless, good for nothing chicken shit.

i am oh, sOooOo sick of ur stupid mind.

i hate U so much i wanna skin u alive,

bathe u in vinegar and feed you to the motherf*cking fishes.

i hope u die soon.

i hope u rot in hell.

and i want u to know i’ll be waiting 4 ur sorry ass down there.

as for now u pathetic nympho,

u think its all perfect for u..?

too bad ur juz building a fantasy world.

wake up bitch.

it ain’t f*cking real!

go and get a life.